If you are a faggot who is considering a midlife crisis,
My advice is:
Don’t.

Assuming you are more or less male-presenting,
Chances are that no one is prepared
For you to lose control of your emotions,
Especially your temper.
Men are not allowed to be angry any more,
And do not forget
That men were never supposed to hurt
Or be sad.

It does not matter if you are in your mid-forties,
And you are tired of pretending at perpetual happiness.
If you are a man–
Especially a white one–
You are meant to appreciate your privilege
And remain silent.
Your thoughts, opinions, and feelings
Are no longer welcome in the queer conversation.

If you are a faggot considering a midlife crisis,
You had better be prepared for loneliness.
When men of a certain age appear weak
Or unstable, or troubled,
Those around him will back away.
Most people you know
Expect your position to stay fixed at your age,
Expect you to have your shit together, always,
Expect polite dinner conversation
Amusing quips, salacious anecdotes,
And “good vibes only”.
You are forbidden to stray,
And if you do,
The invitations will cease.
If you cannot maintain your role
As the “magickal homosexual”–
Able to “queer eye” your straight friends’ problems away
And provide your network with what you’ve always
And (seemingly) effortlessly produced since your 20s,
Prepare yourself for a new and unpleasant reality.

If you are a faggot considering a midlife crisis,
You should expect to contemplate death
A lot.
You are, or course, aware that so few queer men
Of the generation preceding yours
Actually made it as far as you,
And those who did
Were severely traumatized.
You will, of course,
Wonder why and how you’ve managed
To survive this long;
It’s not as if you’ve been careful all these years,
After all.
Perhaps you’ve even been intentionally reckless.
And yet, stubbornly,
This incarnation has continued.
And now you have become largely forgotten and overlooked
By those who are ten years your junior or below:
These generations care little for your past,
And less for your present.

If you are a faggot considering a midlife crisis,
You may wish for death.
This is, in my opinion, reasonable.
It’s easy to feel abandoned and hopeless
At this point in your life;
Easy to feel that everything you achieved in your past
(If you are, indeed, lucky enough to have had achievements)
Is now lost to time and memory,
With few others left alive–or close–to tell the stories.

If you are a faggot considering a midlife crisis,
You probably feel irrelevant.
You may feel unloved, and unseen,
Abandoned, washed-up, discarded,
Unwanted, undesirable, self-absorbed,
And most of all,
Old.

I am a faggot, and my midlife crisis
Is now beyond consideration.
I am having a midlife crisis,
And my advice to you is:
Don’t.